Blinded Light
by susha1987
Summary: The ground was cold, rough and unforgiving as it scratched at my dampened clothing. Yes, I had been careless, and yes, I could have died, but I still refused, even in those moments, to believe that my cliff diving had been wrong to do." -ExB


**Why is this here? Keep reading to find out :) ...:::RandomPerson87:::...  
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**Summary: Bella has cancer. Her search for dangerous occurrences to bring her imagined Edward back have ended as she's come to the realization that they only ever tear her up further. Living in a world of shear heartbreak, disdain, and a minimal amount of happiness, it seems to become more and more apparent to her, that her life is only too quickly slipping away. Renee has returned to Forks, hoping to help Charlie through this and also spend what time she still can with her daughter. But with Edward's sudden 'reappearance' in her life, his sudden waltz back into her heart, there can be nothing good to come from it. With Victoria on the prowl, always ready, and Jake more possessive than ever, how will Bella ever cope? And better yet, can she _live_ long enough? **

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**-Haha, wow, I really suck at summaries, huh? Well either way, I hope that you enjoy (More info at the end) :

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The ground was cold, rough and unforgiving as it scratched at my dampened clothing. Yes, I had been careless, and yes, I could have died, but I still refused, even in those moments, to believe that my cliff diving had been wrong to do. I had lived on, I hadn't abandoned Charlie and I had seen my Edward again. But it had been so long since then, so long since the last time that I had seem him, that I couldn't help coming back to the only place that had ever truly belonged to us. I was chilled to the bone, shuddering on the now dampened grass. Jake may have been the one to save me from the watery depths that I had jumped to, but I believed that I was now finally saving myself.

I had come here to face my past, and perhaps to even consider the present. The meadow wasn't as welcoming as I had once deemed it to be. The sun wasn't shining down to warm me, nor was the grass the thick flower blanket that I had remembered it as. I knew that coming here during a rain storm wouldn't be the brightest of my ideas, but there hadn't been any time better than the present. The desperate need to reevaluate my situation, to delve into my own thoughts rather than ones around me, that was why I had come and that was why I would likely be fighting off a cold for the remainder of the week.

Eventually though, I figured that my true reason for coming was that Victoria might seize my moment of weakness as her moment of triumph. Edward had been the first to bring me here. Laurent had been the first to find me here when I was alone. Here, Jake and his pack of 'werewolves' had first technically revealed themselves to me. And lastly, I hoped, Victoria would take my life here.

Salty tears ran down the length of my face, mixing with the tears from the sky. The relentless wind seemed to increase, as did my racking sobs, while the rain poured down harshly. My hair, now black in it's saturation, clung to my face and I couldn't find the will to remove the strands.

As I laid on the ground it felt as though my memories were being stripped from me and turned into the perspective of another. I felt as though I were watching myself, not quite reliving the times after Edward had abandoned me, but seeing them from another view.

The doctors that I had previously deemed as harsh and unworthy of their degrees, I now saw in a new light. They may have been stating that my life was coming to an end, but they had not been the ones to take it away from me. After Edward had left I didn't _have_ a life, I didn't eat, I didn't talk, I hardly existed if not for my body walking in the constant stream of my peers.

Of course, Ovarian Cancer had never once been something that I'd heard about, nor acknowledged as the type of cancer that it now was to me. I may not have expected to learn about it in depth, nor expected to experience it first-hand, but I could not change that I now did both.

Renee had, I remembered, been very-near to feinting when she first heard the news. I could see from behind the curtain that the nurse had oh-so-kindly positioned between myself and my parents, Renee crying heavily into Charlie's shoulder. I remembered thinking that it was funny how they couldn't be more different from each other, but in that moment so much the same. They were both suffering from the same cause and it seemed, that it was this that had reunited them so strongly.

Even so, it didn't seem that the news had become anything more over the coming days. It was true that Renee couldn't fool me. I knew her well enough from our past that the water running from the shower in the bathroom for hours on end, was her way of hiding the suffering that she was feeling, hiding her tears. She didn't like showing how upset she was to me; she wanted to appear stronger than she was in reality. But for Charlie, it never seemed that the news had fully processed.

It was true that he had cradled Renee in his arms while at the hospital, but once he had returned home, he was more like his usual self. He worked extra hours, the hours that everyone knew we were not necessary to his job and though I knew he was taking a beating, I couldn't ask him to stay home for me. I didn't want to remind anyone of my condition, nor did I want to remind myself (were it possible that I could stop thinking about it in the first place) about it.

But why the hell was this taking so long? If Laurent could find me, why couldn't she, for god's sake? She was supposed to find me! She wanted to kill me; she wanted to make me suffer in her hands. Of course, that last part hardly seemed to matter anymore. She couldn't break my heart when it was already broken. She couldn't make it rain on me when I was already soaked. She couldn't hate me anymore than I hated myself. Therefor, she couldn't possibly make me suffer anymore than I already was.

A dreadfully familiar feeling bubbled up in the pit of my stomach and I grabbed at the grass between my fingers as I became violently ill. What more to mar my perfect vision of our meadow, right?

"Bella?" That beautiful, timeless velvet. Even through the pain in my throat I couldn't help smiling. Edward always came back when I was in danger. His apparition meant that Victory must be nearing, it wouldn't be much longer now for my end to come.

I wanted to see him, I wanted to see with my own eyes, his figure if only for these last few delicate moments, but I still couldn't move. I was still overtaken with my sickness and still too weak to lift my head in the voice's direction.

"Oh god, Bella. What happened to you?" My perfect apparition wasn't functioning right; he wasn't supposed to have terror or even sorrow lining his voice. He wasn't supposed to sound upset; he was supposed to be as perfect sounding as I remembered him. It became even more necessary then for me to see him and I cursed my illness that I couldn't turn myself in his direction. I didn't have to worry about this long though, as he seemed to sense that I wasn't able to lift myself. Instead, perfect as ever, my imagined Edward knelt beside me, brushing the drenched strands of hair away from my eyes.

Surprising myself my lips willed themselves open and my first words were spoken, "Please, don't touch me." I whispered. I knew that I wanted him to touch me, just as much as I wanted my cancer to be gone, but I couldn't let myself be torn up that way. I knew that were he to touch me, I would return to the catatonic state I had been in for so long. Almost immediately, almost as though he were struck by lightning, he withdrew his hand, though I could see that his eyes were still truly agonized.

"...Bella, let me take you to Carlisle. Whatever this is...he can help you." Edward suggested. It seemed that he were thinking quickly, working to choose the precise words that would thoroughly render me insane; as though I would start seeing his entire family as well. And anyways, there was nothing that would move me from my current position. I hadn't come all this way to be convinced to leave.

"What? Now I'm going to start imagining Carlisle too? And, tell me Edward, what happens when I start to imagine everyone? Do you honestly believe that seeing them will change anything? Do you think that my imagination is going to help me now? I'm a mess and there _is_ no fixing that." I muttered sharply, almost sarcastically. My voice was still thick from crying, my words sounding as though I were choking on them as I spoke.

"Love," My Edward laughed, "You're not imagining this. Please believe me when I say that I couldn't live without you for a second longer. It was only a matter of time before I came back for you." Internally, I scoffed at that last part, I was truly going to tear myself up one of these days, "...Charlie's been searching for you." He added when I remained silent.

Charlie. Surely Charlie should matter to me if nothing else did. I had to get back home to him before he realized that I was gone when I shouldn't be. Even so...Charlie couldn't possibly be searching for me; what happened to his long hours?

"You almost got me there, but I still don't believe you. Charlie's been working overtime, he wouldn't have noticed my absence yet. And, you made it quite clear that you don't want me. What reason would you have to come back, Edward?" He sighed dramatically, prolonging the moment in which my hope would continue to bubble up.

"We can argue about you sanity later, Bella. As for right now, I'm taking you to Carlisle; you look awful, love." He reached his hands back out, and I glared at them with a fierceness I didn't know I possessed. It only surprised me when they didn't burst into flames beneath my fiery gaze.

"I don't want to go anywhere just yet," I said, breaking the silence that had erupted, knowing full well that he intended on carrying me, I grabbed onto his hands, pulling myself into his lap. In that moment I didn't care how much like crap I must have resembled, or even how desperate I might have come across to him; after all, he was a figment of my sick imagination.

"I'd feel better if I could take you to Carlisle, you know."

"Tough. I don't wanna move."

There on the damp ground I lay shuddering, not just from the wind and the rain, but now from the added iciness of Edward's skin. His hand rested gently on my shoulder and I counted mentally the seconds as they passed, for nothing better than to keep myself distracted. I refused to think of how close I currently was to my 'imagined' Edward.

After some time of silence, Edward's impatience became more apparent. I can say this only because of the way his fingers tapped consistently on my shoulder, a silent reminder that he wanted me to leave our meadow.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked weakly, knowing the answer before hearing him speak it.

"Honestly?" He asked, "I'm contemplating the easiest way to get you back to my house without your throwing a fit, although it seems to be unavoidable in every scenario I come up with." And for the most part, he was right. I would throw a fit if he tried to take me away, but I was also very near to freezing to death so it didn't look that I had a choice in the outcome. Either way, I was leaving soon; why pro-lounge the unavoidable?

"You win. I'm already bordering insane, so why not just cross the line already? Take me to Carlisle, Edward; whatever makes you happy." I sighed.

"Thank You." He said simply, before the darkness that had been creeping up, consumed me. It was in this end, that I believe I truly began...

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**Please READ: Very recently I was asked by a dear friend of mine, how it was that I achieved my story's amount of attention. When I thought it through, I had no idea. I remember uploading the first chapter and somehow miraculously receiving more attention than I deserve. I say this because she is the better writer. Her story is absolutely wonderful and I wonder how it doesn't have many reviews and hasn't had more than a hundred hits. This chapter is in no way mine. I don't normally endorse anyone, or anything, but I feel that she truly deserves it. So please, search the username at the top of the page, or the one just below and check out the rest of this story because it'll be worth the visit. I love you all. Thanks so much! I know that I'm asking more than I am currently giving and for that matter, I'd like to announce that I am back and by tomorrow afternoon I should be uploading more chapters to your favorite stories. So please, stop in on** **Ashley's page and read/review. Thank you, thank you, thank you! **

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**-Also, if you'd like to recommend some great fanfics, I'm looking for something new to read, lol. XD**

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